I’m a bit more than half way through Peter Scoblic’s excellent new book, “_U.S. Vs. Them: How A Half Century of Conservatism Has Undermined America’s Security._ “:http://www.powells.com/biblio/1-9780670018826-2 You should read it. Seriously. All of you.

Peter has a way with words. For instance, he describes (accurately, I imagine) the 1983 “NATO Able Archer”:https://www.cia.gov/library/center-for-the-study-of-intelligence/csi-publications/books-and-monographs/a-cold-war-conundrum/source.htm#HEADING1-13 exercise as “bowel loosening.”

Spencer Ackerman, who, like me, had Peter as an editor, highlights “another metaphor.”:http://thinkprogress.org/attackerman/tag/not-everything-about-tnr-blows/

Happy Tuesday.

Way off-topic but the below comment from “this post”:http://blogs.tnr.com/tnr/blogs/the_plank/archive/2008/04/02/economic-indicators-fast-food-edition.aspx must be shared:

bq. Well, as a lifelong bachelor for 37 years, I’d say I stopped going into restaurants where you tip a waiter or waitress about 10 years ago. I’ve always averred that it’s woefully wasteful. Why the hell should I pay extra just for someone to bring my food to the table? I’m perfectly capable of doing that myself. And the way I see it, food is just something I need to survive. That’s why I either get 99-cent items at Burger King, Jack in the Box, or McDonalds or buy 99-cent microwavable items from the grocery store — I don’t need overpriced baby-back ribs from Chili’s and the like. It’s just frigging food any way you slice it. What really cracks me up are elderly people who go to overpriced cafeterias for food they’re perfectly capable of fixing at home, because they’re the ones who gripe that Social Security isn’t enough income yet blow crucial dollars of their income for eating out. Nowhere in the Constitution is it written that they’re entitled the money to eat out, nor is it written that a family of 4 is equally entitled to eat at Appleby’s and T.G.I. Fridays and the like every weekend like so many families robotically do as if they’re all pod people. So bravo to fast-food places that are getting improved business nowadays. They offer nondescript food at good prices that *may not be as tasty as meat at Outback Steakhouse but are perfectly fine nevertheless.*

[Via “Atrios.”:http://atrios.blogspot.com/2008_03_30_archive.html#5721364284554182839]

I cannot believe that someone typed that last sentence. Or any of the sentences above it, for that matter.

Anyway, this post’s value-added is a reaction from FoKerr _TBR_. Speaking of her former in-laws, she wrote that:

One time they were talking to my mother about visiting Charleston, where they have a condo and where my parents had just taken a trip. My mom was trying to talk to them about it, and was gushing about all the great restaurants, how the seafood was so fresh, etc. My mother in law stared at her and said, *”We just go to Applebees. There’s no need for the rest of that nonsense.”*

Then she went back to Canton, Ohio and told the rest of her family that my parents were snobs.

Snobs, indeed. If I ate seafood, Charleston would be a prime destination.

This is kind of silly, but since we’ve previously talked about “Putinisms”:http://www.totalwonkerr.net/1093/putin-on-iran, I just thought I’d continue the tradition by mentioning that the *”Let’s be friends, guys”* comment “made by Vladimir Putin”:http://en.rian.ru/russia/20080404/103767083.html at the NATO summit in Bucharest puts in mind of a classic Soviet-era cartoon about a cat named Leopold (“Приключения Кота Леопольда”).

p{float: right; margin-left: 10px}. !/images/42.jpg!

In the cartoon, Leopold gets hassled and taunted by two pesky mice, who chant “Leopold, come out, you sleazy coward!” (Леопольд, выходи, подлый трус!). At the end of every episode, the mice tell Leopold that they are sorry for causing him trouble, to which Leopold responds “Guys, let’s be friends.” (Ребята, давайте жить дружно!)

I can’t quite picture Putin with a big purple bow tie… But you should check out an episode (or more) of the cartoon “here”:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhZPtWYZmUA.

My good friend Leif, who is one of the people most responsible for my taste in music over the years, is recording a new album (as State Vector Collapse) for “RPM Challenge 2008.”:http://www.rpmchallenge.com/

Said challenge is “described as:”:http://www.rpmchallenge.com/content/view/844/1/

…record an album in 29 days, just because you can.

That’s 10 songs or 35 minutes of original material recorded during the month of February. Go ahead… put it to tape.

You can download most (all?) of Leif’s back catalogue, some of which also features the awesomely-clever Erin, “here.”:http://www.soulburn.com/2008/02/05/soulburn-rapoxtech-backcatalog-posted-for-download-as-mp3/

Here is the text of Leif’s email (slightly edited) describing the project:

I’m going to be dusting off the music gear and participating in the RPM Challenge this February: Create ten songs or 35 minutes of new material, whichever is longer.

So in 29 days, expect a new State Vector Collapse album.

I’ll be “blogging”:http://www.soulburn.com my thoughts and composition methods over the course of the project.

If you’re a MySpace type, I’ve got a band page “set up.”:http://www.myspace.com/statevectorcollaps

So enjoy the month… because when it’s over, I’m coming for your ears.

Five days left, buddy.

!/images/38.jpg!

These uranium glass marbles from the “Titan Missile Museum”:http://www.titanmissilemuseum.org/ were a gift from FoKerr _MBN._ I’m told they are safe.

Here’s some live Melvins, performing what is, IMO, one of their best. And Dale Crover is in a dress.

*Update:* So is Buzzo.

I just noticed that “Agoraphobic Nosebleed”:http://www.myspace.com/agoraphobicnb have a ditty on their Altered States

p{float: right; margin-left: 10px}. !/images/37.jpg!

of America CD entitled “Relapse Refusing UN Weapons Inspectors.”

Here are the lyrics:

bq. We have a deadly biological weapon.
Send us money courtesy of Relapse Records
Upper Darby, Philadelphia, PA

Happy Holidays.

!/images/36.jpg!

You saw these two the other night. Or are one of them.

One of my 12 or so loyal readers pointed out today that the blog “seems less than total these days.”

Indeed. I shall remedy that soon.

Meantime, I ran across two things that are really awesome. They are “both parodies”:http://www.veryveryhappy.blogspot.com/2004_05_23_veryveryhappy_archive.html#108553067569781729 of “this jackass.”:http://instapundit.com/ They date from 2004, but I just found out about them from “LGM.”:http://lefarkins.blogspot.com/2007/11/missing-bloggers.html

I don’t blog a whole lot about the denizens of Wingnuttistan, but these made me laugh out loud.

Here they are, in full:

THE MEDIA’S WAR ON THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION continues unabated. Recent events have combined with the media’s anti-Bush agenda to paint a misleadingly dark picture of Iraq. If you received all your news from CNN, MSNBC, CBS, NBC, ABC, Fox News, The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Times, The Army Times, The Chicago Tribune, the Chicago Sun-Times, USA Today, the Sacremento Bee, the San Jose Mercury News, The Orlando Sentinel, The Detroit Free Press, The Detroit News, The Lansing State Journal, the Dallas Morning News, the Boston Globe, the Houston Chronicle, UPI, Reuters, or the Associated Press, you would be under the impression that things are pretty bleak in Iraq.

Fortunately, Michael Ubaldi has several blog posts explaining how good it actually is over there. Just keep scrolling.

posted at 05:23 PM by Glenn Reynolds

*WARNING:* This one’s a bit raunchy.

A NOT-PARTICULARLY-SHY READER EMAILS:

_At the bar the other night, my girlfriends and I were talking about some of the law professors at our school (we attend a major southern university). One of them mentioned how she had heard that the most common injuries suffered by southern law professors are complications due to falls caused by tripping over their own larger-than-average penises. Who better to confirm or deny this than you?_

Indeed. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I’ve never had any problems maneuvering around my enormous cock, although there have been a few close calls. It’s just something you learn to live with, although, like my synesthesia, it does allow me to focus on other problems while my tremendous wang completes mundane tasks.

Update: Another reader has a question as well:

_I too have a monstrous johnson, as do most of my Republican friends. My liberal friends, on the other hand, refuse to talk to me when I ask them about it. This leads me to believe that they are, shall we say, light in the drawers. So, my question is, does Republicanism cause one’s equipment to grow, or do people with massive schlongs naturally tend to be Republicans?_

I don’t think there is necessarily a causal relationship – after all, I am not a Republican, yet my gargantuan tool is, so far as I know, without equal.

Another Update: Alan Colmes emails:

_First of all, big fan of your site. Hannity sent this to me, and I figured I’d add my two cents. While I’ll grant you that conservative dick is quite a bit larger, on average, than liberal dick, it is important to bear in mind that size doesn’t matter, so long as you know how to use it. Not that many of us do, I know, but still…_

That’s what they all say.

Yet Another Update: Tim Blair, on his website:

_Having repeatedly licked The Professor’s balls over the last two years, I am in a position to say that the hardest part of doing so is holding up his elephantine peter in order to keep it from flopping down on your head, causing a mild concussion._

Heh.

Still More: This is getting out of hand. Virginia Postrel is demanding pictures. Lileks wants collectible porcelain figurines.